From the director of Shaun of the Dead.
Small country towns are always full of weirdos. If you find yourself in said situation, be mindful of the following:
- The escaped swan will get the bad guy in the end if you don’t get him first.
- Model villages with church spires are a lawsuit waiting to happen – but are also useful for impaling bad guys on.
- The supermarket can be a war zone. Deal with employees throwing knives at you by creating a battering ram out of trolleys.
- Putting on aviator sunglasses will lower your voice, change its tonal qualities and make you sound all bad-ass – save this for the worst case scenarios as once you lay the smack down on their country hick-asses, grannys with machine guns will come out of the woodwork.
- If someone is stabbed in the throat with their own garden shears, it’s most likely NOT an accident.
- There is always time to go to the pub for a pint or local store for a Cornetto, even if you’re an on-duty police officer. In fact, it’s probably a good idea as there’s nothing else to do other than sit at home and water your peace lily.
- Men in black robes meeting in the moonlight will always be up to no good. Beware of their scythes – they’re extra pointy.
Also: snaps to Shelley for complaining about the lack of air-con and getting us free movie tix.