So witty and fun – I think I’ll watch it again tonight! Why aren’t all teen movies this awesome?
Walter Stratford: Hello, Katarina. Make anybody cry today?
Kat Stratford: Sadly, no. But it’s only 4:30.
Michael: Sweet love, renew thy force.
[Start of Shakespeare’s Sonnet LVI]
Patrick: Don’t say shit like that to me. People can hear you.
Chastity: I know you can be under whelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?
Bianca: I think you can in Europe.
Bianca: Are you asking me out? That’s so cute. What’s your name again?
Walter Stratford: I’m down, I’ve got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don’t care how dope his ride is. My mama didn’t raise no foo’!
Bianca: You don’t buy black underwear unless you want somebody to see it.
Kat Stratford: You’re not as vile as I thought you were.
Patrick: What is it with this chick? She got beer-flavored nipples?
Bianca: There’s a difference between like and love. I mean I like my Skechers, but I love my Prada backpack.
Chastity: But I love my Skechers.
Bianca: That’s because you don’t have a Prada backpack.
Kat Stratford: Remove head from sphincter, then drive!
Kat Stratford: I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
Michael: The shit hath hitith the fan… ith.
Cameron: I learned French for you!
Walter Stratford: Where is she going?
Kat Stratford: She’s meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
Walter Stratford: Funny.
Walter Stratford: [Bianca and Chastity are sneaking past Bianca’s father] Shoulda used the window.
Bianca: Hi Daddy.
Walter Stratford: Hi… where’re we going?
Bianca: Well, if you must know… a small study group with friends.
Walter Stratford: Otherwise known as an orgy?
Chastity: Mr. Stratford, it’s just a party.
Walter Stratford: And hell is just a sauna.
Patrick: Someone still has her panties in a twist.
Kat Stratford: Don’t think for one minute that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.
Patrick: Well then, what did I have an effect on?
Kat Stratford: Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing.
Ms. Perky: People perceive you as somewhat…
Kat Stratford: Tempestuous?
Ms. Perky: “Heinous bitch” is the term used most often.
Kat Stratford: Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.
Bianca: Where do you come from? Planet “Loser”?
Kat Stratford: What, as opposed to Planet “Look At Me, Look At Me”?
Walter Stratford: I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl today, and you know what she said to me?
Bianca: “I’m a crack-whore who should have made my sleazy boyfriend wear a condom”?
Walter Stratford: Close, she said “I should have listened to my father.”
Bianca: She did not.
Walter Stratford: Well, that’s what should would have said if she wasn’t so doped up.
Patrick: Not a big talker, are you?
Kat Stratford: Depends on the subject. My fenders don’t exactly whip me into a verbal frenzy.
Patrick: It’s not everyday you find a girl who’ll flash someone to get you out of detention.
Patrick: Ooh, see that, there. Who needs affection when I have blind hatred?
Ms. Perky: So, I hear you’ve been terrorizing Mr. Morgan’s class… again.
Kat Stratford: Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action.
Ms. Perky: The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway? By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well, in case you’re interested.
Kat Stratford: I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls.
Joey: Mr. Morgan, do you think you could get Kat to take her Midol before she comes to class?
Mr. Morgan: Someday, you gonna get bitch-slapped and I’m not gonna do a thing to stop it.
[Michael and Cameron enter the bar looking for Patrick]
Cameron: Wow, is this what a bar looks like?
[Cameron reaches into a jar on the bar]
Michael: *Don’t* touch anything! You may get hepatitis.
[the boys find Patrick who is drinking and smoking]
Cameron: And, umm, here’s another problem. Bianca said that Kat likes… pretty guys.
Patrick: [slowly rises, confused] Are you telling me I’m not a pretty guy?
Cameron: H… he’s very pretty. He’s a gorgeous guy.
[Give’s Patrick two thumbs up]
Cameron: Gorgeous guy.
Michael: Yeah… I… I… just wasn’t sure.
[They nervously smile and Pat slowly sits down again]
Ms. Perky: Patrick Verona. I see we’re making our visits a weekly ritual.
Patrick: Only so we can have these moments together. Should I, uh, hit the lights?
Ms. Perky: Oh, very clever, kangaroo boy. Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?
Patrick: I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst.
Ms. Perky: Bratwurst? Aren’t we the optimist? Next time, keep it in your pouch, okay? Scoot!
Mr. Morgan: I know how difficult it must be to overcome all those years of upper middle-class suburban oppression. Must be tough. But the next time you storm the PTA crusading for better… lunch meat, or whatever you white girls complain about, ask them WHY they can’t buy a book written by a black man!
White Rastas: That’s right mon!
Mr. Morgan: Don’t even get me started on you two!
White Rastas: No problem mon!
Joey: [holding up headshots] Which one do you like better?
Bianca: Hmm, I think I like the white shirt better.
Joey: Yeah, it’s more…
Joey: Damn, I was going for thoughtful.
Kat Stratford: I’ll let you get back to Reginald’s quivering member.
Ms. Perky: “Quivering member.” I like that.
Bianca: But she is a mutant! What if she never dates?
Walter Stratford: Then you’ll never date. Oh, I like that.
Kat Stratford: What is it, Asshole Day?
[talking about the prom]
Kat Stratford: Can you even imagine? Who the hell would go to that antiquated mating-ritual? Mandella: Um, I would, but I don’t have a date.
Kat Stratford: Do you really want to get all dressed up, so some Drakkar Noir-wearing dexter with a boner can feel you up while you’re forced to listen to a band that, by definition, blows?
Kat Stratford: You’re looking at this from entirely the wrong perspective. We’re making a statement.
Mandella: Oh goody, something new and different for us!
Patrick: Well maybe you’re not afraid of me but I’m sure you’ve thought about me naked.
Kat Stratford: [sarcastically] Am I that transparent? I *want* you, I *need* you, oh baby, oh baby.
Michael: Okay I talked to her, I got the scoop.
Cameron: What’d she say?
Michael: “Hates him with the fire of a thousand suns.” That’s a direct quote.
Patrick: Thanks Michael. That’s very comforting of you.
Patrick: Hey there girly… how you doin’?
Kat Stratford: Sweating like a pig actually and yourself?
Patrick: Now there’s a way to get a guys attention huh?
Kat Stratford: My mission in life but obviously I struck your fancy so you see it worked… the world makes sense again.
Kat Stratford: I guess in this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time.
Walter Stratford: And I’ll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren’t out being impregnated.
Kat Stratford: You’re amazingly self-assured, did anyone ever tell you that?
Patrick: I tell myself that every day, actually.
Patrick: I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing out that window. So, how did you keep him distracted?
Kat Stratford: Oh, I dazzled him with my… wits.
Cameron: We’re screwed.
Michael: Now, I don’t want to hear that defeatist attitude… I want to hear you UPBEAT!
Cameron: [more upbeat] We’re screwed!
Michael: There ya go.
Patrick: [while trying to get Kat go out with him] I’ll take you places you’ve never been before.
Kat Stratford: Like where, the 7-11 on Broadway?
Kat Stratford: [talking to Mr. Chapin in detention] Well, now that you’ve seen “the plan”, I’m gonna go and show “the plan” to someone else.
Kat Stratford: We’re going now.
Walter Stratford: Alright, wait a minute. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, NO ritual animal slaughters of any kind… oh God, I’m giving them ideas.